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 No First Date

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pancakes, bitches

Posts : 27
Join date : 2009-11-02
Age : 42
Location : The People's Republic of Lemony Fresh

PostSubject: No First Date   Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:36 pm

What happens when a 28 year old guy makes a profile of a hot girl on a free dating site? A bunch of this...

Could you do me a favor?

From: ********
Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 11:01:09 AM

boy hey there darlin I’m Peter, you sound really fun and down to earth… want to chat at all?

From: *******
Subject: RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 12:27:09 PM

girl Let’s just cut to the chase… why don’t you come over tonight and we can get to know each other.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:01:09 PM

boy sounds good to me! where do you live?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:12:34 PM

girl xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx Los Angeles, CA xxxxx. Room 512

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:25:27 PM

boy room? is it an apartment?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:32:14 PM

girl No, it’s a hospital.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:34:52 PM

boy lol you want me to come see in the hospital?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:40:56 PM

girl Yup. It’s top rated. They give excellent care.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:41:12 PM

boy you seriously want me to come meet you in a hospital? why are you in the hospital?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:42:36 PM

girl YES… how many times do I have to say it.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:49:57 PM

boy ok I guess. what time?

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:59:36 PM

girl The nurse gives me my last round of meds around 6… so anytime after that works fine. But before you come by, could you do me a favor… I need someone to feed my cat. I’ve been in the hospital for nearly a week and only left enough food out to last 3 days. It will be quick and easy, my apartment is 5 mins from the hospital and there is a spare key under the welcome mat. Just find your way into the kitchen and on the counter you’ll see a notebook titled “Raymond’s Recipes”. Anything out of there will be fine… but FYI… I’d recommend making the barbecued halibut with chile watermelon salsa, it’s his favorite.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:05:23 PM

boy I don’t think I can do that.

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:07:42 PM

girl Oh come on. If you’re worried about having to buy ingredients, don’t… everything you need is there.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:12:56 PM

boy I don’t even know you and you want me to go to your house and make some gourmet meal for your cat. It’s a little weird.

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:13:14 PM


From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:22:32 PM

boycan’t you get someone else. why don’t you call me when you get out of the hospital, xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:34:37 PM

girl Please.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:57:50 PM

boyI can’t. I can come visit you but I don’t feel comfortable feeding your cat.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:58:02 PM

boy why are you in the hospital?

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:04:37 PM

girl I got into a little fight with my now ex-husband over who should get the cat. One thing lead to the other and next thing you know… I’m in the hospital with a broken collar bone, fractured wrist, 2 broken ribs, broken leg, broken knee cap, lost a toe, two fractured fingers, and a blown out eardrum.

From: ********
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:09:01 PM

boy wow, that’s intense. Sorry to hear that.

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:27:49 PM

girl Ah… don’t feel to bad. I’ll heal… he’s the one with a bullet in his chest. I’d like to see him take the cat now LOL.

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:29:34 PM

girl Ok, let’s just let the cat be for another night… but if he dies, so help you God Peter, if he dies… that cats blood will be on your shoulders… and mark my words… there will be justice… what is made wrong, will be made right…. and if it’s the last thing I do… I will avenge Raymond’s death.

Now what time should I expect to see you tonight Peter?

From: *******
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:54:09 PM

girl Peter?
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Posts : 274
Join date : 2009-10-29
Age : 41
Location : The valley of the shadow of death

PostSubject: Re: No First Date   Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:06 pm

I just clicked on it. The last one with the topless shot is the best.

Put out or get out.
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adam antichrist
adam antichrist

Posts : 323
Join date : 2009-10-29
Age : 45
Location : australia

PostSubject: Re: No First Date   Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:18 am

regarding my disability... i have an overbite


"My mom's a slut"
-chunky chicken
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